Episode 41: 3 Rules for a Successful Partnership

In this episode,

Lizzie dives deep into partnerships and best friendships, considering how to help them grow and thrive and how to be your own best friend through them all.

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Post-pod questions to consider

Who in your life do you consider a best friend or partner? How can you work on cultivating a closer partnership with that person?

Episode Transcript

Hey, you are listening to Midnight Philosopher with Lizzie. Thanks for tuning in. 

Today, I'm going to talk about having a partnership with someone. When people hear partnership, they usually think of a romantic relationship, but there are many kinds of partnerships such as business partners, partnerships in hobbies, and even close friendships. Tonight is going to be a special episode. 

I'm going to focus on my podcast manager Ben, who is also my best friend. We've been best friends for 19 years since the beginning of ninth grade. That's nearly two decades. Some people might think it's slightly immature that I still use the word best friend to describe Ben. And while I'm extremely lucky and grateful and have many close friendships and a couple of other best friends, I do choose to use the word best friend to describe Ben because he's seen me at my absolute worst and embraced me at times when I thought no one else would. 

First, I'll talk about Ben and my business partnership for making this podcast. One night, we were chatting on the phone, we have been talking for hours, and it was probably about one in the morning. Ben said, buddy, that's what he calls me. I think you should start a podcast. And I scoffed at the idea and said, I don't really think I have anything to say. And Ben said that he actually thought otherwise. He said that I actually say really wise things without realizing it all the time, and I wasn't so sure. I thought about it and still wasn't sure, but I decided to give the podcast a try with Ben's help. 

Ben listens to the episodes before they air every week, and he writes the blurb to describe the episodes. He also titles the episodes for me and he gives me feedback on them before they air, and it's really super helpful. And I promised Ben that I would make fifty episodes. Now, I've wanted to give up nearly every week for many, many weeks. Ben and I have been working through our business partnership, and Ben mentioned that me giving up on the podcast wasn't going to benefit either of us. He knows that I will be proud of myself when I get through it. I historically struggle with self-discipline. 

He has also found it helpful. And while I've wanted to give up nearly every week, I haven't because following through on my agreements in a partnership is important to me, even if I complain and even if I want to give up. Ben has been a great business partner in that he believes in me and he doesn't give up on me. And I can work on my end of the partnership by believing in myself as well because Ben can believe in me, but me believing in me will make my partnership with Ben even stronger. 

Ben and I have been working through issues of partnership and long-term friendship for years. After we graduated from high school, Ben and I volunteered at a soup kitchen together, and Ben and I make such good friends because we have different approaches to the same issues. We also sometimes butt heads because of our differing perspectives. In this case, we were making chocolate chip cookies for the soup kitchen. 

Ben likes to follow recipes pretty closely and exactly, and I like to, for lack of a better word, wing it. Even though I'm not a skilled baker. We argued about how to make the cookies, and so we, should we follow the recipe exactly or just throw in a little bit of this in a dash of that? Now, this argument would be one we'd return to in different ways for many years. 

But as the years have gone on, we've started to embrace these differences and differences in ourselves. For example, Ben and I went on a long road trip after my brother and sister-in-law's wedding, we road trip from Washington state all the way to Sacramento in Ben's camper, which he was living in at the time. 

I knew I could depend on Ben to know which highways to take and that he would plan awesome day trips and adventures for us. And Ben knew he could depend on me to encourage him to swim in the super freezing cold water of Crater Lake. Sometimes a partnership is working through the attributes that initially cause arguments and seeing them as the strengths your partner or best friend really has. 

And a third time that Ben and I had to work through issues of partnership as best friends was pretty recently. Ben had a death in his family, and I wanted to be there for him during that time. 
So I took off of work to help out and be there for him and his family. 

However, the circumstances were extremely triggering for me. Ben and I simultaneously had to navigate his grief and me trying to stuff down my emotions so I could be there for him. Spoiler alert, stuffing down your emotions to be there for your best friend or partner of any kind often doesn't work. I had trouble showing up emotionally for Ben because I wasn't able to show up emotionally for myself. 

Now, I still helped out in other ways. I ran errands and helped provide childcare for Ben's nephews, but Ben and I felt a disconnect in our emotional connection and communication. We eventually were able to talk things through, and I finally admitted that I was really, really triggered, and Ben admitted that he missed having a genuine emotional reaction from his best friend. 
And through that communication together, we were able to work through the issue and grow closer. 

So, what are some things you can do to make a partnership of any kind, including a best friendship work? One thing you can do is hold your partner accountable while not being overbearing, as Ben did in my goal for the podcast, Ben expressed that the podcast was important to him and reminded me of our deal, but he also made a clear boundary that he didn't wanna have to police me to complete the podcast. 

With direct and honest communication, we were able to talk through what was getting in in the way for me and what the podcast meant to Ben. So holding your partner accountable by sharing your feelings and vulnerabilities can cause a relationship to grow closer. 

Another thing you can do is notice your partner's quirks, but you can see them in as strengths rather than as a nuisance. Just because you and your partner approach situations and problems differently doesn't mean this is an issue. It can actually be a great strength when you learn how to use these qualities at their strongest points. And a third thing you can do is be open and honest about your emotions with each other. Emotional vulnerability can help repair any hurt that may have been caused by miscommunication between partners. 

And there's a couple other tips that you can try too. Start with listening without defensiveness. Defensiveness makes it hard for your partner to communicate with you, so try to be open-minded and try to listen thoroughly. Also, be willing to compromise through empathy. Empathy is really important to try to see your partner's perspective and through their shoes. And sometimes compromising is really important too because neither you or your partner is usually right. There's usually somewhere in the middle you can meet. 

And also remember, you're on the same team. You're on the same team. You both have each other's back, and you're both there to help each other. So don't try to fight each other when you're really trying to reach a conclusion together. 

So these ideas can help you be a good friend yourself and help you cultivate good long-term friendships. But finally, what can you do if you feel like you don't have a friendship or partnership like this in your life right now? First, you can check out episode 11, making friends as an adult. 

But further than that, you can also work on cultivating these skills inside of yourself. So when you do meet the right person for a partnership, you'll be able to use these skills. You can work on lowering your defenses, building your empathy, and being on the same team as yourself, or in other words, being your own best friend. 

That's right. You can support yourself and cheerlead yourself and grow yourself, and you can always be on your own side, and that ultimately will help you be on the side of someone else. These internal skills will help you meet the right person because the more you practice these skills, the more people you're likely to meet who also have these skills, and then you can translate those skills to your relationship. 

In this episode, I talked about my friendship with my best friend Ben, and how best friendships are kind of like partnerships. I talked about how holding each other accountable without being overbearing, using each other's perspectives, those strengths and being emotionally vulnerable can all help support a healthy partnership. 

Well, thanks so much for listening tonight. I'm gonna go call Ben now. Have a good night.