Episode 15: Dissociation

In this episode,

Lizzie explains the many forms of dissociation, when we experience it, and how to bring ourselves back to the present.

Listen now

Listen on Spotify

Post-pod questions to consider

When do you find yourself daydreaming or dissociating most? What's your favorite grounding technique for bringing yourself back to the present?

Episode Transcript

Hey. You're listening to The Midnight Philosopher with Lizzie. Thanks for tuning in. Um, sometimes I prerecord these episodes and, uh, I still have a cold. Um, so, sorry about that. 

Anyway, today, I'm going to talk about dissociation. And dissociation is a is a way of coping with trauma. It's a way of separating yourself from yourself. And it falls on a spectrum. 
It can be anywhere from zoning out or daydreaming, all the way to depersonalization and derealization. And, at its most extreme, dissociation can be a disorder known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. 

Now, let me break down a few of those diagnostic terms. Depersonalization is the feeling of floating above yourself or watching yourself from a distance. And derealization can sometimes be described as living in your limbs, not living in your body. 

So, these can be, like, you're you are seeing or witnessing something traumatic or you're remembering something traumatic and it's too scary to be in your body, so your mind tricks you to feel like you're not in your body. It's kind of like when a possum plays dead. That is essentially what your body is doing in that moment. It is dissociating itself from yourself. 

Now, to talk a little bit about Dissociative Identity Disorder. 
This is a disorder which is caused by extreme trauma, and it creates different identities in people that they inhabit and these different identities have different feelings and moods and situations. And these different identities were formed in order to separate from the trauma that was happening. 

So, all these types of dissociations are a way to cope. Even including daydreaming and zoning out. So, in those little situations, you're probably bored and, in a way to cope with your boredom, you're thinking about other things. 

So, when your body feels like it cannot fight or flee or freeze up, sometimes your body will then dissociate. It's similar to freezing, but usually freezing is then followed by fleeing or fighting as a trauma response. However, dissociation is sometimes not followed by another trauma response. It is the trauma response you're experiencing. 

As a therapist, I've worked with adult clients who I've seen dissociate during sessions. Now, I can tell they're dissociating for two reasons usually. And the first is that their eyes kind of take on a glazed over look. They may still be making eye contact, but they don't appear as alert and bright eyed as when they're in the present moment. And so, I can usually tell they're feeling detached. 

And the second way I can usually tell is that I start to feel the urge to pull my mind away from my body as well. I try to be present when I'm with clients, but when a client is triggered in session and their mind is separate from their body, I feel a certain a similar experience start to happen to me. I don't know if that's empathy or if their pain triggers my own coping skills, but I usually address it with my client by asking my client if they feel like they're present in the room or not. And my clients are usually pretty good at answering. If they feel like they're present, they'll tell me. And if they feel like they're not in that room, if they are not in their body or they're not in this moment, they're usually able to express that to me. 

And later in this episode, we'll talk a little bit about what you can do when you find yourself dissociating. I've also dissociated in my personal life. I remember I was living in Boston right after my mom died and I was walking from the corner store back to my apartment and, I was triggered and as I was walking, the world took on, like, a different color. Like, for me, when I dissociate, the world kind of takes on this, like, sickly green color. 

It can be different for everybody and everyone experiences dissociation slightly differently. But for me, the world takes on a slightly different color. And at that time, I felt like I only existed in my hands and my feet and I couldn't feel I didn't feel like I was myself. I didn't feel like I was connected to the rest of my body. I was still able to keep walking, but I felt really separate. I felt really separate within myself. 

And that's something to remember that trauma fragments. Trauma fragments a lot of things and dissociation is a way that trauma fragments. So, as time went on in my own therapy, I learned how to recognize when I was dissociating, which is the first step to handling dissociation. 

Another time I dissociated was when I went through a traumatic situation in my early 20s. I felt myself floating above my body, watching myself go through the motions. I wasn't in the room because that would have been unbearable for me. So, instead, as a way to cope, my mind pulled my body my mind pulled above my body and floated near the ceiling. So, if you've ever experienced that feeling of not being in your body and kind of looking down on yourself in a situation, that is dissociation. 

So, what can you do if you find yourself dissociating? Literature goes back and forth on whether it's a conscious choice to dissociate or an unconscious one. Either way, the first step is to realize you're dissociating. For me, the room takes on a slightly different color, a slightly different perspective. For some people, they feel like they're no longer in their body. For others, they feel like they're watching a movie of themselves, but it's not themselves. It's really just any time you feel disconnected, you're probably dissociating. 

So, once you realize you're dissociating, your job is to bring yourself back to the present moment. You can do this through grounding skills. And one of my personal favorites is listing animals A through Z. So, you start with alligator, then you go to bat, then chinchilla or however, A, B, C. D dog, E elephant, etc.

Another way you can do this is just by sitting in a chair, putting your feet on the floor, feeling your feet grounded on the floor, feeling your bottom in the chair you're sitting in, feeling the weight of your body sitting in that chair. You might slowly start to bring attention to your different body parts by squeezing them. There's something called a progressive muscle relaxation, which is, you can start in whatever body part you want. But basically, you clench that body part for 5 seconds and release for 10. And you go systematically throughout your body. So, for example, you might start in your toes, then go to your feet, then go to your calves, then your quads, et cetera. And you do this, over time, you will feel your body come back into itself. 

Other things you can try is smelling something really strong, like cinnamon, or eating something really sour, like a sour gummy worm. 
The key is really to use your five senses or do a doable, but mind-engaging activity to bring yourself back. 

So, to recap this episode, we talked about dissociation and how you might notice you're experiencing it, what that's kind of like, and some things you can do to help yourself if you feel like you're dissociating, which is bringing yourself, essentially, back to the present moment. 

I would love if you followed me on Instagram, the Midnight Philosopher, or if you checked out my website, which my best friend, Ben, made for me. It's really cool. It has some reviews and, also, it has the transcripts, and Ben added fun pictures of dogs, which is fun. But, if you're more of a visual learner, you can look at the transcripts instead of listening to the podcast. 

Well, thanks so much for listening today. I'm gonna go daydream about my love life now. Have a good night.