Episode 19: The Miracle Question (Solution-Focused Therapy)

In this episode,

Lizzie explains Solution-Focused Therapy, which helps us break down big life changes into small, manageable steps with real impact.

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Post-pod questions to consider

Is there an area of your life that the miracle question might be helpful for you to answer? What is one small task you can do to get one step closer to your miracle becoming reality?

Episode Transcript

Hey. You're listening to Midnight Philosopher with Lizzie. Thanks for tuning in. Today, I'm going to talk about the miracle question, which is a part of solution focused therapy. 

Solution focused therapy is a short term therapy focused on helping people achieve their goals and dreams. And the miracle question is a question a therapist ask a client to help them identify their goals and dreams. And the question is as follows. 

Suppose tonight you fall asleep and while you're sleeping a miracle occurs. And when you wake up, the problem that you brought you here is gone. What is different? 

So I'm gonna do another role play with myself so that you can see the miracle question occur in real time. I'm going to play myself as the client honestly and also myself as the therapist, honestly. Notice that I'm asking what is different rather than what would be different. Asking what is different helps people generate goals and visualize their future. Asking what would be different is a hypothetical, but asking what is different is a vision. 

So, at the end of this role play, you'll notice that I'll do something called scaling, and I'll talk more about that after the role play. 

Therapist: What is bringing you into session today? 
Client: I'm feeling depressed. 
Therapist: Is it okay if I ask you a question to help you think a little bit more about your depression? 
Client: Yeah. 
Therapist: Suppose tonight you go to sleep. And while you're sleeping, a miracle occurs and your depression is gone. What is different? 
Client: I'm happy. 
Therapist: And when you're happy, what is different? 
Client: I think I'm in a fulfilling relationship, and I feel happy with my career. 
Therapist: Would you like to talk about your relationship first or your career first? 
Client: Relationship. 
Therapist: What is this relationship like? The one you will have. 
Client: The person that I'm with, they get me, and we have a lot of fun together, and we can both be ourselves. 
Therapist: And, when you're being yourself in this relationship, what is different for you? 
Client: I don't feel as lonely. 
Therapist: And if you're not feeling lonely, what are you feeling? Client: I'm feeling valued and appreciated. 
Therapist: And when you feel valued and appreciated, what is different about your life? 
Client: I don't feel so afraid to be myself. 
Therapist: And if you're not feeling afraid to be yourself, what are you feeling? 
Client: I'm feeling confident and proud of who I am. 
Therapist: Great. So on a scale of one to ten, one being you're nowhere near accomplishing this goal and ten being you're completely accomplished this goal of having a fulfilling relationship, where would you put yourself? 
Client: I put myself at a one. 
Therapist: And what step could you take to move from a one to a one and a half? 
Client: I could download the dating apps and make a profile. Therapist: Can you commit to downloading the dating apps and by next session and move from a one to a one and a half? 
Client: Yes. 
Therapist: Will anything get in the way of you accomplishing this goal? 
Client: I might chicken out. 
Therapist: And what will help you if you feel that you're starting to chicken out?
Client: Remembering that I do wanna actually be in a relationship. 

So, I'm gonna end the role play there. This is Lizzie the podcaster again. In this example, you can see that me, the therapist, helped me, the client, identify a realistic next step to reach their goal of being in a relationship. The therapist helped the client picture a new future by asking what is different for different for them and also help them specify what they want what they want. 

For example, when the client said, I don't wanna feel as lonely, the therapist asked the client to specify what they were feeling instead. For example, if you're not feeling lonely, what are you feeling? Because that specificity of saying what you want instead of what you don't want is really important to generating goals. 

And, the miracle question can be a great question to ask yourself or to ask a friend if they're willing to go on that journey with you. You know, a great way to ask yourself the miracle question is to actually journal about it, and I've done that quite a few times. So, you know, you'll go to your journal and you'll say suppose you'll think of a problem in your life and you'll say, suppose, I go to sleep tonight, and when I wake up, this problem in my life is gone. What is different? And just journal about that. 

And if you find yourself getting stuck, ask yourself what is different about this. And if you find yourself, saying, well, I won't be this or I won't be that, ask yourself, well, if you're not being that, what are you being? Because this these are really great ways to identify your goals and help you get to next steps to reach your goals. 

So, asking yourself what is will help you visualize your future and to make sure you're saying what is occurring in this alternate reality versus what's not. Also, at the end of your journaling session, you can ask yourself a scaling question, which is what I did at the end of that fake session I just had with myself. 

A scaling question is essentially, on a scale of one to ten, one being you're not where you wanna be and ten being you're exactly where you want to be, where would you put yourself? Now, if you were to put, let's say, you know, you're journaling and you're, like, I'm at a three. And then the next step is to say, okay, you're at a three. What will help you get to a three and a half? 
And that's really important to helping you generate a new goal because that half step is realistic. You're not saying what will get you from a three to a seven because that would be way overwhelming. You're just asking, what was that first step you need to do to move yourself up on that scale? What is a half step you can take? 

So, to recap in this episode, I talked about the miracle question and how to ask it to help yourself visualize your future and what you want and to make actionable goals to reach that future. 

Thanks so much for listening tonight. Follow me on Instagram  @TheMidnightPhilosopher. I'm gonna go ask myself the miracle question a little bit more. Have a good night.