Episode 10: The Art of Competition

In this episode,

Lizzie breaks down competition, intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation, and how to set realistic goals that make sense for you. Listen now to learn how to stop comparing yourself negatively and start using your competitive nature to advance your goals.

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Post-pod questions to consider

Can you think of a time extrinsic motivation has stressed you out? What intrinsic motivation can you tap into to get going on your goals?

Episode Transcript

Hey. You're listening to Midnight Philosopher with Lizzie. Thanks for tuning in. Today, I'm going to talk about what I like to call the Art of Competition. 

Competition has been around as long as people well, actually, as long as animals and creatures have existed. Sometimes animals compete for food, they compete for mates, and they compete for shelter. Competition is a natural evolutionary skill that was developed for survival. It was there so that you literally would continue to exist. However, over time, competition has evolved from people just needing to survive to kind of becoming intertwined with sports and with play. 

And I think this happened because of two reasons. The first is that people still have that evolutionary itch to be the best and to win, and so competition helps scratch that. But the other thing is that competition actually helps with social dynamics. From professional sports teams, which unite communities, - For example, the Patriots in Boston. Wow. Never seen a more united community. - to individuals playing games to strengthen their unique bonds with each other. Have you ever seen a couple at an arcade playing a game together and they're, like, kind of flirting over the competition and it's bringing them closer? 

So, in my opinion, competition helps to bring people together. Of course, too much competition can have the opposite impact and actually kind of push people away. So it's all about finding that middle ground, that middle competition where it feels just right. Not too competitive, but not not competitive, because that's no fun. 

For me, I've always been highly competitive. For as long as I can remember for as long as I can remember, any game I played, I wanted to win. And when I was a kid, I was one of the fastest runners in my grade, which was a big point of pride for me. I loved being one of the fastest kids in my grade. And it's funny because now I'm not a huge runner, but back then, I was quick. I was so quick. 

Every year, some of the other kids and I would have races at recess, and we'd run faster and faster, push each other to win and win. Till we came to the ultimate race, which was field day. And now, everybody knew whoever won field day got to declare themselves the fastest runner in the grade. And every day leading up to field day, my friends and I would practice running and having races and, you know, kind of talking each other up to to win field day. Field day came around, and I didn't win, but I got second. 

But that's not even the point. The point was the competition with my friends at recess helped me get faster. I was a lot faster after running all those races with my friends than I was before I did that. And competing with these other kids at recess helped me make progress. In this case, competition helped push me to become better at something that I already enjoyed. And if I hadn't tried to run with the other kids, I wouldn't have become any faster. So I wouldn't have made any progress. Competition, in this case, was directly linked to my progress. 

Another time that I was competitive though was, uh, I was pretty competitive about getting good grades in school. And, I wasn't necessarily competitive towards my classmates, but this was more of a self competition. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get A's, and this type of competition was probably not great for my mental health, to be honest. Instead of trying to push myself to grow and to learn and challenge myself in new ways, I was pushing myself for this external validation of getting an A and, sometimes, it didn't even make sense to me why certain things got As and certain things didn't. I think this philosophy does get in the way of a lot of kids learning in school because they're pushing for that external reward instead of actually trying to learn the subject matter. And so maybe maybe my self competition was, you know, successful in that I got mostly A's in high school. 

But I worked so hard in high school that by the time I got to college, I was really burnt out, and I wasn't able to put my best effort in. And I wasn't able to learn the things I wanted to learn or the subjects I wanted to study as well, and this is because of that competition. That competition ultimately caused me anxiety, and it had the opposite effect of the competition I had as a child running races on the playground. Instead of getting better at something, I got worse. 

And, a third time that I was competitive was, uh, in interviewing and getting jobs after grad school. I learned how to present myself as personable, and I learned how to ask the right questions to land the job. Like, "what's your favorite part about working here?" Or, "what are some of the most challenging aspects?" Now, most people hate job interviews, but I kind of learned to like them. And I know that's a little bit weird, but they brought out my competitive side and my need to win. I reframe job interviews more as a game and less about something to be stressed about. Viewing the interview as a game helped me think strategically so that I answered in a way that helped me advance on my imaginary board. Some people might call this a little manipulative, but I would argue that I'm just playing the game that corporate America provides. 

Sometimes, playing a game is the way to do it. You think it's a game? You're gonna win. And you learned how to win that game. And in this case, my competitive nature actually helped me figure out and get what I wanted. Because I was competitive, it helped me figure out what I needed to do to to get to my next move. So, competition can both be helpful and hurtful. 

And sometimes competition can push you to get better at something you enjoy, like running races as a kid, or it can help you figure out a new way to succeed, like in interviews. However, sometimes competition can cause anxiety and and have the opposite impact. So it's all about finding the right amount of competition that helps you. And, sometimes, internal validation versus external validation can help with competition. 

What I mean by that is if you're intrinsically motivated on the inside, if it's coming from you that you wanna win, you're more likely to succeed. But if you're if the competition is coming from the outside and there's a lot of outside pressure, it's probably just gonna stress you out and cause anxiety. So finding that middle ground is really important. 

And, also, setting realistic goals can be important. Had my goal in high school to be to get would had my goal in high school to get B's instead of A's, that probably would have been the right amount of self-competition for me to succeed. And had I been realistic and added some fun and joy, competition would usually make people make progress. You know, if you're adding a little bit of joy, a healthy dose of realism, and and a little competition, you're gonna go a long way. 

However, um, there are times in your life when you're gonna be placed in situations that are competitive and you'd rather not be there. For example, sometimes work or school can be competitive in a way that feels not great. And in these cases, it's best to assess a realistic goal, but also keep your mental health in mind. Sometimes in these situations, it's easy to get into the trap of comparing yourself to other people. But comparing yourself to other people is actually probably not gonna help you reach your goal. Comparison is kind of a bad side of competition because comparison makes you feel less than. However, competition can help you gain confidence and have a confidence boost when you accomplish a goal. 

So it's kind of important to not compare yourself to the other people around you, but just to focus on yourself and your own personal goals. And a goal for coming from yourself, which is also called intrinsic motivation or it's internally motivating, can really help you push you to the next level and help you step outside your comfort zone. An extrinsic goal that comes from outside of you, um, can can be motivating, such as if you're out playing a sport and you wanna win against the other team. 

However, just extrinsic extrinsic motivation probably won't help you feel satisfied. It really needs to come from within as well. So, while extrinsic motivation isn't inherently bad, it's not also super helpful all the time. So competition is really don't make those comparisons and find the right balance that works for you. 
Because competition is all about motivation at the end of the day, and it's finding that motivation that feels good to you. 

Well, thanks for listening. I'm gonna go make the best cookies I've ever made now, making progress on a goal. Have a good night.