Episode 8: Window of Tolerance

In this episode,

Lizzie explains the concept of the window of tolerance, what happens when we get hyper- or hypo-aroused, and how to bring yourself back to the present. Listen in now to start recognizing your tolerance limits and how to recenter during a crisis.

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Post-pod questions to consider

Can you think of a time you were outside your window of tolerance? What triggered it? What made it better?

Episode Transcript

Hey, you're listening to Midnight Philosopher with Lizzie. Thanks for tuning in. Today I'm going to talk about the window of tolerance, which sounds like a big fancy term, but what it really means is that imagine you have a window and you're looking out that window. And when you're looking out that window, you're feeling so calm, so regulated, your heartbeat is in normal fashion, your lungs are breathing at a normal pace, and you just feel so in the zone. 
That's when you're in your window of tolerance. 

But let's say you're above your window of tolerance towards the ceiling. Here, you might be feeling angry, restless, jittery. You might be feeling revved up or annoyed, or you know, kind of in a fight or flight mode. And if you're above your window of tolerance there, here I'm gonna throw a fancy term out at you. If you're above your window of tolerance, it's called hyper-arousal. So when you're out of your window of tolerance and you're above it, you're hyper aroused, you're angry, jittery, in fight or flight mode. 

Now, let's say you're below your window of tolerance, and if you're below your window of tolerance towards the floor, you might be feeling slowed down, sluggish, tired, not able to concentrate. And if you're below your window of tolerance, it's called another fancy term. Are you ready? Hypo-arousal. If you're hypo-aroused, you're pretty sad. You're slowed down. Think of it like, you can imagine it this way. 

Like if you're below your window of tolerance, you're so slowed down, you're probably trying to fall asleep on the floor. And if you're above your window of tolerance, you're so angry, you're trying to get below it so you can see out the window. So you know if, if you're hyper aroused or hypo aroused, it can be pretty hard to feel regulated and calm. So you wanna get yourself into that sweet spot, which is right in your window of tolerance. You wanna be looking out that window, feeling the sunshine on your face, feeling nice and calm. 

So I'm gonna give you a few examples. One time when I was above my window of tolerance or hyper aroused, one time when I was below my window of tolerance or hyper aroused, and one time I was just right Goldilocks style, I liked that joke. I hope you did too. 

Anyway, here's an example of a time when I was above my window of tolerance. When I was feeling hyper aroused. I was driving, chilling out, listening to music when someone nearly swerved in front of my car, the person didn't hit my car, but they didn't use their turn signal. And I was feeling pretty, pretty infuriated. Now, this event alone probably wouldn't have taken me outta my window of tolerance, but I had some other contributing factors. 
I hadn't had lunch that day. I had kind of had a difficult day at work, and I was just feeling emotionally exhausted. And so when this car swerved in front of me, I found myself cursing the driver out. I found myself yelling expletive after expletive, after expletive. Now, now this is not normal behavior for me. This was because I was outta my window of tolerance. I was feeling hyper aroused, I was angry, I was frustrated, I was revved up. I was in fight or flight mode. And that happened because of all the stress that had built up in my system throughout the day. 

A time I was below my window of tolerance was after my mom died. It was the holidays, the first Christmas after my mom died. And I was feeling so stricken with grief. I was, I was so sad. I didn't wanna do anything. I didn't wanna get off the couch. I'm gonna throw a big word out there. I was kind of despondent and, and I was just feeling so sluggish. And this was an example of me being below my window of tolerance or being hypo aroused. And I was feeling this way because of the stress. The stresses I was feeling was putting me below my window of tolerance. And this, I was in freeze modes, freeze mode essentially. So being below your window of tolerance, you might be in freeze mode, or you might be what's called feigned analgesic death, which is basically kind of zoned out. And so those, those behaviors were the reason why I was slowed down. 

And obviously when you're out of your window of tolerance, when you're below your window of tolerance like that, it doesn't feel great. Like I was not feeling great. So you heard about a time when I was above my window of tolerance or in hyper arousal. And you heard about a time when I was below my window of tolerance or in hypo arousal. 

But now I'm gonna talk about a time when I was right in the middle Goldilocks time. So when I was right in that middle of my window of tolerance, I was looking out the window, I was feeling the sunshine on my face. One of those times was when I was walking my dog Pilot, she was probably about two years old at the time. I love Pilot so much, she's my little yellow lab and she makes me so happy. And by little yellow lab, I mean she's like 90 pounds. But anyway, we were walking around the reservoir together, it was warm out, it was a nice day, not too warm, it was perfect temperature. 

We walked around the reservoir and we saw this snowy owl nesting in a tree. And someone nearby told us that apparently the owl came back every year, which is really cool. And I could tell I was within my window of tolerance because I felt calm. I felt content, my breath, my breath and breathing were at a normal pace. My heart was beating slowly, regularly, normally. And being in that window of tolerance felt so good. I was right there in the present moment. I was right there with my best favorite friend, my dog. And, and I was just, just in a really good spot. So that's an example of when I was in my window of tolerance or my optimal level of functioning. 

So what happens if you find yourself above your window of tolerance and hyper arousal or below your window of tolerance and hypo arousal? How can you help bring yourself back? Some things that help me are, are using what's called grounding techniques, which is basically a term that means bringing yourself back into the present moment and becoming aware of your bodily self and your emotions. So one grounding technique I use, I like to use is to pick a color. And let's say we're pick and blue. When you pick the color blue, put a timer on your phone for about one minute and spend one minute looking carefully around the room and noticing everything that's blue. Literally everything. 

And you'd be surprised. You might think you found all the blue things. But then when you start really noticing little details, you'll realize, oh, that label on that water bottle is blue, or there's blue in that piece of art. So really, really take your time looking for all the blue things. This is a way to ground yourself and bring yourself back to the present moment because it brings you into your senses, really. 

You can bring yourself into the present moment with grounding techniques. Using any of your senses and using the your senses helps you lower your stress levels and, and literally grounds you think of like you literally feel your feet on the floor. So some other grounding types, types of exercises you can use are, you can smell something really strong. For example, peppermint, you could smell something peppermint and that might bring you back. Or you could taste something really with a really strong taste like a warhead or an Altoid. And that can bring you right back to the present moment. 

Or you might listen to a song that really just brings you right to where you need to be. So anything that helps bring you back, helps ground you that can help bring you back into your window of tolerance. Because when you're out of your window of tolerance, it can feel pretty uncomfortable and you, you can feel pretty unsettled. And so using those grounding techniques to bring you back in can be really helpful. 

Well, thanks so much for listening to my episode tonight. I'm gonna go try to avoid having road rage now. Have a good night.