Episode 2: How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

In this episode,

Lizzie discusses imposter syndrome, where it comes from and how she copes with it. Listen in for some tips on managing your own imposter syndrome, wherever you face it.

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Post-pod questions to consider

When have you felt imposter syndrome in your life? How did it affect your performance? How did you work through it?

Episode Transcript

Hey, you're listening to Midnight Philosopher with Lizzie. Thanks for tuning in. Wow. I need to work on my thanks for tuning in. I'm gonna try that one more time. Thanks for tuning in. No, no. That sounded the exact same. All right, well, working on it. 

Anyway, today I'm gonna talk about imposter syndrome. You know that feeling you get when you wonder if you're really meant to be where you are, or if you're secretly a fraud, who tricked everybody to get to where you are. 

And imposter syndrome usually happens when you feel out of place or you feel like you don't fit in, or you feel like your brain is, you know, playing tricks on you, and you start to believe that you don't fit in, or you're, you're a fraud, or you're, you know, you're insecure and you're not supposed to be where you are. 
Imposter syndrome, it usually comes from the feeling that you have to be perfect. And as most of you have probably guessed, the feeling like you need to be perfect usually comes from your childhood and the way you were raised. If your parents or caregivers only seem to praise or acknowledge you or say great job, when you were high achieving or doing something the way they wanted you to do it, you probably might have internalized the thoughts that you have to be perfect. You have to be perfect in order to get love and acknowledgement and praise. 

And, you know, parents are usually doing the best they can, but sometimes people are people, and these habits get ingrained in your kids. And so, you know, if you, if you internalize the idea that you might have to be perfect, then you probably feel like you're not fitting in when you're not being perfect. Thus, imposter syndrome is born, I really wanted to say the word thus, it's so pretentious. Okay. Anyway, I've felt imposter syndrome a lot in my life. 

One time, way, way back in high school. Yeah, I'm getting old. I was voted to be captain of the softball team. And you know, I'd been playing softball for years and I loved it and was pretty decent, but I had a lot of doubts when my coach said I could, I could be captain. What if I strike out or don't catch a ball in the outfield or lead my team astray, or, you know, and the what if started piling? What if there's a natural disaster? And, and we have to forfeit the game, but it was our winning game and we needed it to go to the playoffs. You know, things like that. And so I kind of was essentially feeling the need to be perfect. I wanted to be the perfect softball captain. I wanted to make sure nothing went wrong. 

And my coach, she gave me some good advice, which was kind of based on our team slogan. So our team slogan was, all it takes is all you've got. And my coach, she said to me, "all it takes is all you've got and you've got it, kid." And sometimes when I need encouragement, even today, I tell myself, you've got it, kid. Sometimes just that little bit of reassurance that, yeah, you've got this, you can do it is helpful when, when faced with imposter syndrome, it's that little bit of belief like, no, you are meant to be here. You got this, you've done this training or you know, this stuff. But of course, that's not the only time I felt imposter syndrome. 

Another time I felt imposter syndrome was when I saw my first client as a therapist. So I'd been in grad school for a couple weeks, only a couple weeks. That's not a lot of training. That's just, you know, you're just kind of, but I learned some things. And so I'm terrified, right? Like, I am so scared of being a therapist, and what if I mess up? And what if I can't do this? Or what if I, what if, you know, the what if started piling on? 

And so I see my first client, he's a really cute five-year-old kid. I lead him to the play therapy room, and I give like the spiel about, you know, how you can pretty much do anything in here except there's a couple rules, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that spiel I had memorized. And then I was like, now what? In in, in my head, I was like, internally panicking. I was like, "now what happens? Now what do I do? Oh, oh, oh, man, what do I," and the kid was looking around the room, you know, at all the toys and his eyes lit up when he saw the cars. And he said, "can I play with those?" And I said, "definitely." And it was in that moment that I felt relieved and that I realized that the kid knew what to do. 

Sometimes it's okay if the therapist doesn't know what to do because maybe the kid will. And as I got more experienced as a child therapist, and I let my clients lead the sessions, I realized that kids often know what they need when they come to therapy. Just kind of like adults know what they need when they come to therapy, and kids will seek out activities to help them achieve those goals. And, you know, if a kid is motivated to do something like this kid was motivated to play with the cars, he was much more likely to reach his therapeutic goals that way. 

And so I realized that over time, my imposter syndrome to be the perfect therapist was actually not a great idea. Because kids want you to show up as your authentic self from a place of curiosity. And of course, boundaried curiosity and boundaried yourself. 

But yeah, they want you to be real because no one wants to meet with a robot therapist. No one wants to meet with someone who's perfect. And that's the, you know, a robot can't validate kids in the same way that you know, a therapist can. And that is why I know AI is not gonna take over therapy. Well, that's another topic for another day. But that need to be a perfect therapist was preventing me from being a good therapist and showing up as my authentic self. 
And a third time that I felt imposter syndrome was when I did improv with other adults and was cast on a team. It's as cool as it sounds from e listeners at home. That was sarcasm. But when I was cast, I was of course honored, but I was kind of like, I'm not funny. I say things sometimes, but I'm not funny. 

And, and what if I get onto stage and just freeze up? Or what if, what if, what if, what if? And the what if started coming again, and I realized that I felt like I needed to do the perfect scene or be the perfect improviser. And of course, there's no such thing, just like there's no perfect therapist or perfect softball captain, there's also no perfect improviser. And to combat this feeling, I told myself that to combat this feeling of imposter syndrome, I told myself that I just had to take one step onto that stage, just a literal first step. 

And once the stage lights were on me, I had to leave the rest up to my training and my brain. And, you know, taking that first step was so scary. I felt, you know, I, like my lungs could barely breathe. I, I felt so scared, but I just kind of pushed myself to take that leap of faith. 

And you know, this is cliche, but the more I stepped out onto the stage, the easier that first step became. And the fact that I was putting myself out there and keeping going on the stage meant that I learned more and did become a better improviser because I gave my cha myself the chance to learn more. So one way to cope with imposter syndrome is literally to take it a step at a time. I know that's cliche, but it really works. 

So, in my time living with imposter syndrome, I've tried to learn to embrace my imperfections. I'll probably always struggle with imposter syndrome from time to time because I'm a perfectionist. That was me whispering. But hopefully I'll remember some of the lessons that I've learned along the way. Like, you've got it, kid. Be your authentic self and step out onto that stage, which I think is a good metaphor to think about. Like, give yourself a little encouragement. Be yourself and put yourself out there. Of course, that's a lot easier said than done. 

Well, thanks so much for listening to this episode. 
I'm gonna go have doubts about my ability to be a podcaster now. Have a good night.