Episode 31: New Year, New You?

In this episode,

Lizzie discusses New Year's Resolutions, how to make them work for you, and what to avoid when setting them. Start your 2025 off right by making realistic goals, focusing on progress not perfection, and understanding where you are in the stages of change.

Listen now

Listen on Spotify

Post-pod questions to consider

What is one New Year's resolution you have planned? How can you break it into achievable steps so you can feel accomplished and encouraged as you work through a change?

Episode Transcript

Hey, you're listening to Midnight Philosopher with Lizzie. Thanks for tuning in. 

Happy New Year everyone! Today I'm going to talk about the concept of a new year, new me. The new year is often a time for resolutions, a time to pledge for change. Now there's the classic joke that gyms are full in January and empty the next month after people have given up on their goals. 

New Year's resolutions are a double-edged sword. Sometimes a goal can be really helpful and sometimes a goal can be overwhelming or limiting in some way. The symbolism of the new year can be important though, and it's potentially a chance for a fresh start. So setting those goals and resolutions can be really insightful and helpful. And sometimes people feel that the shift in the calendar year is the time to do it. 

I've tried to do the "new year, new me" on several occasions. Every year I tell myself this year, I'm going to find the love of my life. And yes, I am a hopeless romantic. And every year so far, that hasn't been the case. I've dated wonderful people, but haven't really fallen in love with any of them to, to no fault of their own. It's me, I'm the problem. It's me. Thank you Taylor Swift for those great lyrics. 

But here's the thing. I set this goal, but I don't really take many intentional steps to complete it. I hardly flirt in real life. And after dating someone for a couple months and realizing they're not for me, I give up and tell myself I'll never find anyone who I'll fall in love with. In this case, it's the new year, but the same me, I haven't taken intentional and actionable steps to help make my goal over reality. 

I haven't even been active on the dating apps or gone to any singles events. Every friend who tries to set me up with someone, I turn them down. I'm stubborn and close-minded and want to have a meet cute with someone in an elevator. But as on different occasions, my best friend Ben and my therapist have pointed out I would never actually follow up on a meet cute in an elevator, and I would probably think it was creepy if someone tried to give me their number in that way. So saying a new year, new me is catchy, but you actually have to take active and intentional steps towards your goal. Just wanting something to happen won't make it happen. 

Another "new year, new me" I tried to do was to face my fears. However, I decided to give myself a false deadline and a head start. On December 1st, I decided I was going to start to face my fears. I produced my own comedy show and I was terrified it would fail. But to my surprise and happiness, it was quote unquote, a success. I sold out the show to nearly forty audience members and was able to split the profits with the other performers. 

But leading up to the show, I was dreading it. I felt like a kid worried no one would show up to my birthday party. I had, for lack of a better word, stress fantasies, where I saw myself showing up to the show and the venue and then the ceiling was falling on someone and someone broke their leg and chaos ensued. 

But then I decided I was starting to get in my own way. Instead of thinking I'm going to fail, I started telling myself that while I might fail, there's also just as good a chance that I'll succeed. You know, I don't have to keep thinking that I'm just going to fail. There's always the chance of success. There's always the chance that if you do something, you will be successful. So I started talking to myself and changing my self talk, and I started saying a mantra. And that mantra was: "Just because I've been through things doesn't make me incapable. I'm a very capable person. I'm decently smart and creative, and I can do this." 

This "new me" gave myself pep talks. And when my self-talk changed,  I was able to work on things because it was helpful for me to hear myself encouraging myself. I wasn't doing what I was "supposed" to do to make changes, but I was making changes when I was actually ready and when my self-talk was encouraging me. 

And a third time I was a "new year, new me" was when I decided to be cleaner and to clean my house a lot more. And I had momentum... one single time. But after that, I kept putting off cleaning again and again, and my house got dirtier and dirtier. I knew I needed help, but I resisted. And for years my house was dirty. 

Finally, one day I changed to my internal monologue and said, it's okay to admit you need help. You have a disability which causes you to have difficulty with executive function. It's definitely a privilege that you can hire someone to help clean, but you need help. 

And over the years, and I say this with some shame, my house at various points had been quite unsanitary and unlivable to be honest, especially when I was really depressed. I once left the trash inside my kitchen trash can so long that it became infested with maggots, literally my kitchen trash can, sitting in my kitchen had a lot of maggots in it, and I ended up having to throw the whole trash can out, and it was so disgusting. And when my dog Pilot was a puppy and learning to use the bathroom outside, she had accidents on my floor and I was so depressed I sometimes didn't clean up those accidents for a week. 

So over the years, I had less maggots and less pee-stained floors, but there was still a lot of dirt and debris. And so I splurged and got myself some help, and it was the best thing I ever did for my living conditions. 

A "new year, new me" is a great concept in theory, however, a better slogan might be "a new acceptance, a new me" accepting and embracing change is essential and doesn't have to be forced on the new year. According to the stages of change model, there's five phases: pre-contemplation, phase contemplation phase preparation phase, action phase and maintenance phase. 

And it can be helpful to determine what stage you're at. Maybe when it's the new year, you aren't quite at the action stage yet. So maybe a better goal for you would be to help yourself prepare for the change instead of making the change itself. Being aware of where you are in your process of change can help you eventually reach your goals and changing when you're ready and not necessarily when the calendar changes can help you maintain those goals. 

That's not to say don't have New Year's resolutions, just know that those New Year's resolutions might just be in the contemplation phase. So be gentle and kind to yourself if you don't reach those goals right away. For example, let's say you wanna run a marathon, and the thing is you don't have any running shoes. So a New Year's goal to help you prepare might be to get some running shoes. Your resolution might be, I'm going to get running shoes. 

And that might be a step in the right direction, pun intended, towards your goal of running a marathon. But you need those shoes first before you can run the marathon. And so therefore, being realistic and honest with yourself where you are in those five stages of a change can help you figure out what you need to do. 

Also, often New Year's resolutions are sometimes unachievable. People sometimes make goals that are lofty and unrealistic. 
So as I talked about in a previous episode, making smart goals can be really helpful. SMART stands for a specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-based. Making too big a goal can lead to feelings of discouragement and ending up giving up on the goal. 

For example, to go back to the marathon example, if you can't run a mile, it might be really hard to run a marathon. So instead of making your resolution to run a marathon, start by making your resolution to run a mile. And you can still have the long-term goal of eventually running a marathon, but how great would it be to set yourself up for success? 

Achieving a goal often boosts, endorphins and other feel good chemicals in the brain. So setting yourself up for success so you can feel proud of yourself can be really helpful instead of setting yourself up for "failing" and beating yourself up for failing. 

Because how cool would it be for you to actually reach your resolution this year? How cool would it be for you to make an attainable goal, specific, measurable, relevant, attainable, and time-based, a goal that you could actually do? How cool would it be to say that you completed a goal? So instead of making the goal and the resolution to run a marathon, why not start with a mile? 

Another important concept to think about is striving for progress, not perfection. A lot of times someone might have a New Year's resolution to go to the gym every day because exercising helps with their mental health. However, if that person isn't going to the gym one time a week now, suddenly trying to go every day is really all or nothing thinking. And with all or nothing, thinking nuance is lost. All or nothing thinking often leads to feelings of failure. If you don't complete all of your goal, you either completely succeed or completely fail. 

So that's why setting a reasonable goal, like maybe going to the gym twice a week, will give you resolution, more nuance and just set yourself up for success and allow yourself to say, okay, I only went once this week, but that's progress, not perfection. I'm not perfect, but I am making progress towards my goal. And the more progress I make, the closer to the goal I'll get. 

So let your goals and resolutions have nuance and set yourself up for success. Let 2025 be a successful one. Allow yourself the chance and the opportunity to complete goals and feel proud. Allow yourself the chance to reach a reasonable goal, even if it's not running a marathon, even if it's just taking that first step. 

Honestly, you'll feel great accomplishing those goals, and it's okay to give yourself the opportunity and the chance to quote unquote succeed. Give yourself the chance to succeed with nuance and allow yourself progress, not perfection. 

Thanks so much for listening. Tonight I talked about the concept of "new year, new me." I talked about how forming and completing goals and changes as a process. I talked about the stages of change model and smart goals and progress, not perfection. 

Well, thanks so much for listening. I'm gonna go contemplate some resolutions now. Have a good night.