Episode 49: How to Cultivate Hope (and How It Helps!)

In this episode,

Lizzie explores hope, why it matters, and how to cultivate it in our toughest moments.

Listen now

Listen on Spotify

Post-pod questions to consider

When was a time you struggled with hope? What is one aspect of your life you feel hopeful about? How do you maintain that optimism, and can you translate it to other parts of your life?

Episode Transcript

Hey, you're listening to Midnight Philosopher with Lizzie. Thanks for tuning in. 

Today, I'm going to talk about the importance of hope. Oftentimes when people are going through a really difficult time, they may feel despair. They also may feel a loss of hope that things will get better or that things will improve. 

Toxic positivity, or the process of being fake and optimistic isn't helpful and can actually be quite harmful. But genuine, real hope can be incredibly healing. People gain hope through different ways. For some, spirituality plays a big role. For others, taking care of their bodies and minds brings hope. And for others still reminding themselves that they've gotten through difficult things in the past can help give them hope. Whatever lends itself to genuine, healthy hope can be helpful. 

In studies for pills, there's something called the placebo effect, which is essentially that someone receives a sugar pill instead of the trial medication. But when that person receives the sugar pill because they believed they would get better, they do improve a little bit. Hope is the placebo effect in life. 

There's many times in my life when hope has been essential for me. When I was first diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, I felt pretty hopeless and like my life was over. I felt like I would never have the life that I wanted to have or achieve the things that I wanted to achieve. But while I felt hopeless, there was also a stubborn determination in me, one to keep going, to not give up. 

I held the secret belief that I would get through this, and I did. I found a good medication regimen, and I had good therapy sessions with my therapist. I was able to graduate from college, which was a goal of mine, and then later graduate from my master's program in social work. Having schizoaffective disorder has been extremely challenging at times. But I also held the hope, even if deep down, that I could live the life I wanted to despite my challenging illness. That hope came in the form of determination to not give up. 

There are times when my hope wavered, though. And when my determination wavered. There were times when I felt to insert a trigger wording suicidal and hopeless. My support system, especially my mom and brother Chris, really helped me in those moments. They believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. 
They believed that I would be able to take my medication regularly and go to therapy and live the life that I wanted to live. 

Another time that hope really helps people is in dating. Hope is the belief that you will find what you're looking for sometimes. And for many people in dating, that's finding a partner or partners who feel like they're a good match. Hope in dating has been really difficult for me. I've dated many people and none of them have been bad, thankfully, but also none of them have been for me. They were usually all kind and interesting people, but I didn't feel a deep connection to them on an emotional level. 

I've wanted to give up hope that I will find someone many times, but there's a part of me that knows that life is hopefully long. And even if I don't have a romantic partner right now who I absolutely love, it doesn't mean that I will never find one. 

When my hope wavers when I'm dating someone and it doesn't work out, I let myself feel my feelings of disappointment. Instead of pushing my feelings away or pretending that I feel fine, I let myself express my feelings of disappointment and let myself acknowledge that it doesn't feel great. I show myself compassion, and in showing myself compassion, it lends itself to me generating hope. 

Finally, a third time that hope was helpful was in finding a job. After grad school. I believed I was capable of getting a job, and I believed I deserved a job. My life experiences and experiences in the field had led me to believe that I was capable and that I had a confidence in myself. And these beliefs helped me go into my job interviews with confidence. And I did end up landing a job several months before I graduated. And I think that was due to hope. Hope because I believed that I could, and then I did. Hope was the catalyst that helped me land the jobs when I was scared or when I was nervous. 

So what can you do if you feel hopeless? First, you can be your own cheerleader. You can encourage yourself with positive self talk - not toxic positivity - but rather just saying things like, you got this. "I believe in you. You can do this." Even if you hear external and internal critical voices, find that voice inside yourself to help counter that. 

Next, you can take small steps towards your goals. Hope is the catalyst for change. Let yourself go on the journey. Allow yourself to believe in yourself and allow that belief to lead to change. Change can be scary. The unknown can be frightening. But your hope and your determination and your belief in yourself are there to guide you. 

Finally, when you're in a really dark place, you may need to look for hope outside of yourself. This can be through spirituality or through connections to other people or creatures. Or this can be because of the sun. You might start to journal or go to therapy or find a community that resonates with you, whether that's through a support group or an activity. There is no reason too insignificant to give you hope. 

Finally, in some cases, hope is showing yourself self-compassion. If you have a loved one who is passing away due to an illness, your hope might not be that things will get better, but rather your hope might be that you have self-compassion to get through those tough moments. Hope isn't always linear and isn't always about accomplishing a goal. Sometimes hope is the process of sitting with your feelings and coming out the other side. 

In this episode, I talked about hope. I talked about how determination and belief in yourself can be a recipe for hope. I talked about what you can do if you're feeling hopeless to try to generate hope for yourself. I also talked about how hope doesn't necessarily mean accomplishing a goal, but rather can be sitting with your feelings and your emotions for a tough situation in the form of self-compassion. Sometimes hope is self-compassion. 

Well, thanks so much for listening tonight. I'm going to go believe in myself now. Have a good night.